I'm not sure if this is the longest I've gone without posting, if not, it's certainly up there. It's not as if I have that many "followers" anyway, but I know my family enjoys the occasional look into my thoughts. Haha! Scary as that may be!
For awhile now, I have battled depression/anxiety/PMDD all those wonderful things that bring out a version of yourself that's you, but not quite. A version that you don't really like and that bumfuzzles everyone else. A version that you feel you should explain, maybe even defend, but at the same time you don't have the energy to do so, and don't really care if you do anyway.
So, for several months, I have been in a funk. When I get like that, I don't really care to talk, write, listen, connect in any way to anyone. I crave solitude as if it's my only link to sanity. I avoid the things that I typically love to do and even the people that I normally love to be around.
I withdrawal. I go somewhere inside myself where I am the only one who gets me, the only one who tolerates me, and the only one who wants to be around me. My thoughts at the time....although not true. My family will rack their brains, consult one another, and repeatedly ask me if I am alright or if they've done something to me. I care that they are confused by my behavior, and want so much to not hurt them, but I don't have the energy to show that I care. So, I withdrawal even more.
I don't like these times. I feel useless. I'm easily agitated and grouchy. My only glimmer of hope is that I will come out on the other side, and hopefully with a lesson learned. Hopefully those down times will leave me desperate for God and His true peace. I feel now, that I am beginning to resurface. I am coming up for air and hope to stay afloat for a very long time.
Only the Lord knows why these times are necessary for me and my faith walk, and I have to trust His will. Maybe in the end, my journey will help someone else. I hope what I've gone through at least brings Him glory.
Anyway....I hope it won't be long before my next post, and I want to apologize for the large gap. Thankfully, I am coming back around.