The intention of this blog is just to share with you the way God works in my everyday life. I hope you enjoy!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all...............

I don't think I agree with that.

This morning, Derrick Donovan Willis, two months, went to be with the Lord.

I have wanted to be a mother all of my life. You don't have to actually have children to have a mother's heart, to relate to her pain, to know her loss. I have longed for a child. I have felt them in my arms. Dreamed of carrying them inside me. I feel a loss at never experiencing having a child. But, many times I have prayed to the Lord. I have told him that if He gave me a child that I could not keep for my lifetime, then I didn't want one at all.

Your children are not supposed to go before you. At ages 27 and 29, George and I helped plan the funeral of my mother-in-love. I felt that we were too young to be experiencing that. Too young to know what goes into those plans. Too young to think of what outfit to put on her. Too young to think of where she should be buried. Too young to think of who should sing and who should officiate. Too young to collect pall bearers.

Derrick is 29 and Shara is 28, and here they face planning the funeral of their baby. They are too young to dress that baby to lay in his casket. Too young to purchase a final resting spot. Too young........

This breaks my heart. I think about the one time I saw Donovan, on Christmas Eve. He grunted and squirmed, gave those little toothless, gassy smiles. His little body was warm against mine. I can still see his face scrunching as he started to get hungry and tried to muster up a cry to his momma.

Lord, I know this is all a part of your plan. But, Lord, I pray that in time they will see this too. Lord, I pray that they will only search for you in this time of loss. My heart breaks for them.

The good Lord giveth and the good Lord taketh away.................

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